Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Cycle 2 (Part 2)

I couldn’t believe it. Hope. I was filled with hope. I thought, this is it! I know this is it.

The rest of that Friday was hard. My husband and I had to go back up to Walter Reed for IVF orientation. And as much as we wanted this to work, the logistics of it all were almost too hard. We fought, wondering if we were doing the right thing. If God would want us using IVF to get pregnant. Is that okay? Then we realized Aaron would be out of town for the first part, the surgery to retrieve the eggs. After all of this, my husband wouldn’t even be there? Is this really worth the pain and suffering? Is this something I want so badly that I have to do bits and pieces of it alone? Should I wait and just move on to cycle three? Should I even be here at all? Realizing my husband would be out of town made what we were trying to do seem impossible.Think about it, we all know, the woman isn't the only part of the puzzle. The favors the IVF team did for us that day were amazing. They went above and beyond to make it possible.

That weekend we had a decision to make. After everything we went through on Friday, we wanted answers about whether or not we were taking pregnancy too far. Is IVF biblical? Is it something God would want for our family? For anyone's family? I personally didn’t know any Christians who had done IVF. Aaron and I ended up talking to our first community group leaders in DC. In the end, they told us they would support us in whatever we chose to do, and at the end of the night, Aaron and I just needed to be on the same page.

322 vials of medicine 
That Saturday night after talking with church leaders, Aaron and I sat down at our kitchen table. We each had a piece of paper and a pen. We agreed to each write down what we wanted to do. We only had minutes because if the answer was yes, he had to give me the trigger shot so that Monday morning, I could go in for surgery.

I thought he was going to say no. I thought he was finished with the trying, the stress I harbored, the mess it had all become. But he didn’t. He wrote,Let’s do it.” Three simple words that changed everything.

Here is where the tough part comes in (as if there was only one): it is impossible to know how many eggs, once retrieved, should be fertilized. Typically, from retrieving the eggs to the embryo transfer five days later, you can lose up to 75%. Some aren’t mature enough, some don’t fertilize, and some don’t make it past day three or five and some, after they are frozen don't do well when they are thawed. So, how many eggs should we fertilize?

I wasn’t doing IVF the way most people do it. I didn’t want a bunch of embryos that I would never use. This is the often unspoken or unheard of type of abortion. We knew we had to be very conservative in our numbers. If it didn’t work, we would move on and continue on with cycle number three. Maybe it wouldn’t have to end in IVF, or maybe something else was the answer.

A friend took me to surgery that Monday morning, Aaron was on his way out of town with work. I couldn’t believe that just two days earlier, I thought I was going to have to cancel the entire cycle. I remember the nurse telling me how tall I was and that my son or daughter would be so tall! I remember making a joke that I was artificially tall, not naturally, because of all the growth hormone. Everyone laughed which took away a small part of my nerves. It was seconds later (at least I think) that I fell asleep.

During that procedure, an embryologist was in the room counting out the eggs as they retrieve them (I was asleep during this). Sometimes it may look as though you have a lot of eggs, but the follicles don’t actually have any. God was so good to me and Aaron on that day. Why? He took away our mental struggle. We never had to make a decision on how many eggs to fertilize because I only had a small number. This was a huge blessing. I was so scared we would have too many and I would have to play the numbers game.

After that, you wait for phone calls. The next day, I got a phone call that all of my eggs fertilized. A day later, another phone call, all of my embryos were doing well. A day after that, two of my embryos didn't make it. Five days after the egg retrieval surgery, they implanted one embryo. 

Then you wait some more.

On October 3, 2016, I got a call from Walter Reed.

On October 3, 2016, I was told I was pregnant. I WAS PREGNANT!

On October 3, 2016, God answered my biggest prayer, the thing I had prayed for the most since becoming a Christian. 

On October 3, 2016, I realized God can do anything.

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" 
                                                                                  Matthew 19:26

1 comment:

  1. Love this!! So awesome to look back on the process :)